I am in the process of finishing a new song.
[Note: No, I am not going back on my word already. This blog has very little to do with the actual song itself. I am merely using it as a means of introducing what I wish to write about. Calm down.]
I am calling it The Words Of Our Fathers, and, to date, it is probably one of the most upbeat songs I have ever written. This is because I write from genuine emotion, and most of the time, the genuine emotion that compels me to write a song is not one of happiness. This time, however, it is. But that’s not what this post is about. (Though the title of the entry does come from its chorus.)
The past few months of my life have tapped into a reserve of emotion that I never even knew existed; I have written more music and lyrics in the last two months than I have in the last two years. As for what triggered this change, I will only say that it was a personal crisis. As much as I want this blog to be about me and my life going forward, there are still things that I will be keeping to myself. So… get used to that.
I’ve been described as one of the most emotionally guarded people in existence. I do not share things easily or often with anyone, including the people closest to me. As for why, I am not entirely sure. I’m sure multiple rounds of therapy would probably tell me that it stems from childhood insecurities or a lack of acceptance by my peers. But, truthfully, I don’t care where it comes from. That’s just who I am now. No amount of history-digging will change that.
But I digress.
When I write, I write from true, genuine emotion. And I have never felt a rush of emotion like the one I feel when I think about my son.
He is so full of life, so full of purpose … it can be overwhelming at times. And he gives both of those things — life and purpose — to me. Once it is finished, I hope the song accurately conveys how I feel about him and about fatherhood in general. But what do I hope to convey?
In regards to fatherhood, it is something that has completely changed my life. My entire life, I might add — both past and present. It has changed the way I look back at how I grew up. I’m a little more forgiving of things — of past disappointments and disagreements with my own father. I look back on the things we disagreed on, and I see what he was trying to convey. He only wanted what he thought was best for me, much the same way that I can look at Liam and only want the best for him. I’ve made life decisions that I know he didn’t agree with, but he still loved me, and he still supported me in the end. My father shows constant support in my every endeavor, and I am eternally grateful. I understand him so much better now, and because of that understand, I believe I can be an even better father for Liam.
I am writing this song for Liam. I am writing it for my father. But, most of all, I am writing it for me. I feel it could be one of my best. And, for once, I will be able to sing a song to the world that involves a bit more sunshine and a little less rain.
I’ve had enough of rain.