The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
– Robert Frost, Stopping By The Woods On A Snowy Evening
[Note: I stole the idea of opening with a quote from my wife; read her blog, Weird-Bird.com, by clicking here.]
Here is something you should know: I am a work in progress. This is not an astounding revelation, I realize, since many people can and have said the same very thing. However, I take it to heart. I know that I could be a masterpiece. On the day I am finished, I will be. Until then, I am truly a work in progress.
This can have two very different, very distinct meanings for my life. Let’s explore what those are.
On one side, I am an empty canvas — a blank page. Life will fill this canvas with colors of experience and lines of conflict. Some of the colors will be beautiful, some will be ugly. But they will all mix together to form a picture worth seeing — of that much I am certain. I don’t know how large the canvas is, or how long it will take to cover. Once it has been covered, I don’t know how often it will be repainted and repainted. Eventually, however, it will be finished. I wait for that day.
On the other side, I am flawed and in desperate need of fixing. The past few months have revealed the parts of me that I would rather live without. The parts of me that hurt others, and the parts that do nothing but harm to myself as well. My guilt and shame have consumed me, and I want desperately to dig myself out of the grave I’ve been buried in. I know that the real me, the one that existed before this, is still alive. He is not dead. He could be inches from the surface, scrambling to reach the sunlight. He just needs a hand to pull him out.
I have never felt more disconnected from the world and from everything I have ever cared about. But I want to reconnect. I wandered in the woods for far too long, and I fear I almost lost myself in them. But I emerged on the other side. Now, I just need to find the road once more.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep. However, I do have promises to keep. And many, many miles to go before I sleep.