It’s Not Over ‘Til You’re Underground.

Back and forth. Dodge and recover. Fall. Get up.

I am a fighter. When I truly believe in something, I cannot be swayed from it. And, as it is in this case, when I truly believe that something is right, I will fight to the death to preserve it. There is no doubt in my mind that this is right, so I am fighting with everything I have to preserve it. It is that simple.

This time has served as a deconstruction of sorts for me. I have had to reevaluate who I am and reexamine the choices I have made. I have had to look at my life, my character and the contents of my soul through a magnifying glass … and I have to live with what I have seen. However, I am not a lost cause. I am not beyond saving.

She has not given up on me. They have not given up on me. Something must be there; something must be inside of me that is worth putting faith in. That fact alone is enough to get me through the desperate times and the darker days.

I have been doing a lot of research in order to figure out some of my more prevailing problems. I published some of my findings recently in one of my latest entries, Narcissus. However, I’ve done more research since then, and I believe I have discovered another possibility. I do not feel like elaborating any more on it until I have done a bit more exploration, however. But I do find that having a label or category to file things under makes them easier to deal with. I am generally not in favor of self-diagnosing, and certainly not in favor of self-medicating, but having an idea of what the problem might be certainly helps. Knowing that you’re not crazy is always a huge plus.

There is an answer out there for me. And I know I have the willpower I need to become a better man. It is just a matter of time and patience now.

Time and patience.


About [rlh]

Ryan L. Haddock is an aspiring writer, emphasis on the "aspiring." He mostly writes short stories, but that is only because he doesn't seem to have the attention span necessary to write a novel. At least, not yet. He is also a husband and a father . . . yet he is still struggling valiantly against the notion that he has to grow up. View all posts by [rlh]

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